From the Marriage Sucks File: Scientists Say Sleeping Together Ruins Your Health
And we’re not talking about that kind of sleeping together. The couple that snoozes together, loses together. Or rather, the couple that sleeps together, doesn’t.
That’s the latest finding from British scientist Neil Stanley. While American science reporting tends to focus on banishing the endemic muffin top, our friends across the pond have a none-too-wee fixation with la difference. If it’s not a breakthrough study finding that those helpless men are distracted by breasts or are just distracted in general, it’s the juicy promise of death by nuptial that keeps the html dot uk flowing.
Marriage is depressing. Marriage is expensive. Marriage not only ruins your waking life, your night life and your sex life, it also ruins the part of your life you’re not even consciously participating in. Oh, for heaven’s sake, is there no rest for the wedded weary?
The study reports that if you’re shacked up and sharing a bed, you experience 50% more sleep troubles than singletons. Sleeping together is downright unhealthy. So weird – I’m not married for this exact reason! Strategic brilliance from Ost, yet again.
My properly chilled Scandinavian grandparents may have been onto something with their separate sleeping arrangements. As a child, I remember thinking it was sort of weird that Grandpa and Grandma had a bedroom like Lucy and Ricky’s since we weren’t living in black and white anymore, but then being glad for it because it made jumping on the bed(s) twice as fun!
Just ponder the upside of hitting the hay in different stables. You’re fast asleep when a handsome stranger steals into your bed and has his way with you (so it’s actually your hubs and he has a spare tire, but work with me here). Absence makes the heart grow hornier, as it were. Sleeping apart makes sleeping together an extra special thing. Also, you get the eternal thrill of doing it in someone else’s room. Aside from making sex just like college all over again, there’s the benefit of never again having to argue over how many pillows ought to be embellishing the duvet. Oh, and the health thing.
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12 Comments
September 10th, 2009 at 8:41 am
Sharing a bed is not just about sex, it’s about intimacy – those late night and early morning cuddles, the heart-to-heart talks. I wouldn’t trade it for anything… okay, maybe if my husband was a snorer, but he’s not and I sleep like a log most nights. You definitely need a Queen-sized bed though – I find sleeping on a double a bit squishy.
September 10th, 2009 at 8:51 am
I love that…..I’m gonna try it. As soon as I get married.
September 10th, 2009 at 10:03 am
Of course it’s not just about sex – hence the tongue-in-cheek tone of the post.
September 10th, 2009 at 10:08 am
I’ve always had trouble sleeping next to people… but I didn’t try it with a queen size bed. Maybe if my whole room were a mattress, I could sleep next to everyone. That’d be fun!
September 10th, 2009 at 10:08 am
Hey, you beat me to it. Just starting to write about it. We must think the same way. We both must have this matter on our minds! Good job.
September 10th, 2009 at 11:02 am
Love this post, Sara!! Couldn’t have said it better or funnier or tongue-in-cheekier myself.
September 10th, 2009 at 11:02 am
I will say on a personal note I love snuggling and pillow talk, but space is important too. In my old Palisades place I had a big living room, and sometimes I’d wake up and go crash on the couch despite living alone just because the change of space, air and energy was nice.
September 10th, 2009 at 3:47 pm
Don’t worry, Sara, I got the tongue-in-cheek thing! It was a very funny post, especially the “hitting the hay in different stables” scene. I’m just saying that you’d be giving up a lot too.
September 10th, 2009 at 3:48 pm
Then again, it’s probably more eco-friendly to have two people sharing a bed! One bed to buy, one set of sheets to wash, a smaller house…
September 11th, 2009 at 7:29 am
Love love love how you wrote that post! I’ve always slept better in twin beds, myself. They say sleeping better is the key to so many benefits, including a better working metabolism, less stress, more weight loss – and when it comes to dogs like Smokey – fewer flea bites!
September 15th, 2009 at 5:02 pm
Speaking as a standard British male, I can attest to the accuracy of this report, although I think it somewhat misrepresents us in the suggestion that we engage in, how can I say, nocturnal mating rituals as a matter of course.
We do not, of course – “only when it is absolutely necessary” is the rule. Any more than that….well, that is an appalling and tawdry suggestion. We leave that sort of thing for those awful sensualist Europeans to fumble with. Instead, we have the cricket.
Also, the real joy of having one’s bed to one’s self in the morning is that it allows you to open the newspapers without eliciting complaints.
This is obviously a much better alternative to “snuggling” and other such nonsense.
November 17th, 2009 at 10:47 am
“If it’s not a breakthrough study finding that those helpless men are distracted by breasts or are just distracted in general…”
It is called multi-tasking. That is the ability to not get several things done at the same time. Properly maintained, a state of distraction can safely usher one right through life, and often will shorten it considerably. You’re just providing another example of how men, and what they can teach women, are unappreciated in our culture.
And, if you’ll forgive that /Distraction/, your main idea misses the mark. There is no net increase in sans-Somnolence. I always sleep like a rock, but my wife is sleep-deprived. So, I think, at the end of the night, the whole thing is a wash, right? Now, don’t start throwing vegetables. I’m just making a scientific point, and I do buy her gift certificates to the local spa.
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