It often feels as if I’m unwittingly caught in a Jane Austen novel when it comes to family wranglings surrounding love and money. In this all too passe yet wrenching scenario, my 81-year-old mother is Lady Allen, the one controlling the purse strings, and I, John Willoughby, a hopeless romantic seeking a kindred spirit but warned since childhood that not to marry well would be to squander my inheritance.

In 1811 Britain, busybody Mrs. Jennings opined Maryann should hook up with the single Colonel Brandon based on the shallowest of traits: “It would be an excellent match, for he was rich, and she was handsome,” said the matchmaker.

And so it has gone for powerless women. Somehow, the famous plotting of royals and courtesans seeking powerful alliances over marital bliss trickled down to Austen’s 19th Century England, eventually influencing my mother and other conventional women of means raising daughters in the 70s.

What did marrying well mean in our mothers’ day? It would seem it all came down to an impressive curriculum vitae and a laundry list of benefits that can now run counter to our emerging eco senses and sensibilities. Here are a few of the ways our perspective has shifted:

INCOME vs. INSIGHT

Sure, the Al Gores of the world have both income and insight, but many single men out there are struggling to find work because the rich, desirable guys running the banks and the corporations have run the economy into the ground. So what’s so wrong with loving someone who shares your concerns for the planet? That’s the thinking of Green Singles, a dating services that connects couples who share more than an important name and a manse in the right hood. They share an understanding of what it means to conserve resources and love doing it together.

DADDY-PROVIDER vs. PARTNER

Perhaps the feminist movement rather than the green movement takes credit for changing our perspective of women as little girls deeded to new landowners once they wed. As Gloria Steinem said in an interview in 2006: “We have to humanize gender roles, which are in any case, the biggest source of violence on Earth. We now understand that a woman’s subordinate position is not natural.” Evolved green couples today work as a team. A woman may have a higher paying job and the man might be a skilled gardener and cook, who brings his nurturing to the table. That doesn’t rob him of his manhood or make him a deadbeat.

PROPERTY OWNER vs. RENTER

Let’s face it: It’s rare for young singles to be able to own property these days. Loans are elusive, price tags and taxes are outlandish, and unless it has solar panels or dwells in the dessert, a property often bleeds energy because of poor planning and deferred maintenance that can cost a bundle to upgrade. Many single people rent out of necessity, others because it makes good eco sense. According to a recent EcoSalon post on the benefits, “If  households shifted a fifth of their spending from purchasing to renting there would be a 2 percent (or 13 million tonnes) reduction in CO2 emissions each year.”

BIG SPENDER vs. FRUGAL LOVER

Would you sell out to greenbacks over green values when it comes to love? Classic golddiggers aside, women don’t want to prove their worth in diamonds, furs and lavish vacations he pays for. At the same time, cheap can be a sign of selfishness that isn’t good in a soul-mate, unless you are selfish,  too, and can enjoy being selfish together. We all viewed miserly Scrooge as mean because he was selective about his giving, despite the fact he helped bring down interest rates by earning money and putting it in the bank. But in the green world, frugal doesn’t have to mean selfish. Remember the old song, I Can’t Give You Anything But Love, Baby? For many of us, a hot love session and organic flowers from the garden can relax the body and cheer the spirits more than dead animal clothes and blood diamonds. (That’s not to say an eco trinket isn’t a nice gift now and then. Honey, are you listening?)

SAME ETHNICITY AND RELIGION vs. COMMON GLOBAL OUTLOOK

You might both be Asian or Jewish but that doesn’t mean you will view your world the same way, as it once did, when our ancestors passed on survival skills that allowed us to maintain our cultural identities. Today, marrying well can very well mean your mate shares your global positions on carbon reductions, peace, hunger, rebuilding after disasters, and celebrating nature rather than organized rituals that can divide neighbors rather than unite them. More important than background: Be sure he has a very healthy relationship with his mother.

HER FAMILY PAYS FOR A BIG COSTLY WEDDING vs. THE DIY ECO WEDDING

This time last year, 21 couples in Somalia shared a joint wedding, finding the traditional lavish affairs are too hard to afford in these hard times. “I appeal to the community to simplify marriage by reducing the cost,” said one of the prominent religious leaders, adding that too many young people migrate elsewhere because of the economy. Marrying well begins with the marriage, itself, and costly has never insured success. In fact, more couples are bonding through responsible nuptials they plan together. If there is meat, it is ethically raised and pure; decor and fashions are sustainable; mass transportation is provided if travel is needed; honeymoons are affordable and often involve green travel services. Vow to use less and love more when you take your eco man. This could be the start of something small!

This is the latest installment in Luanne’s column, Life in the Green Lane.

Images: Aaron, Luanne Bradley

Ah, the teeth-gnashing angst of being single when it seems as if everyone around you is coupled up on Valentine’s Day. Considering how hard it can be to meet people with similar interests, it’s tempting to make a date with the couch, the remote and a pint of soy ice cream.

But singles in one British town will have a reason to get out and gab with their fellow bachelors and bachelorettes on Valentine’s Day – in nature, no less, planting trees in an underprivileged community.

A program called Trees for Cities is holding a tree-planting speed-dating charity event at Sunnybrow Park in Manchester, recruiting single volunteers to spend a Sunday wielding shovels and gardening as they plant 3,000 new trees and maybe even meet someone special in the process.

Not only will the speed-dating singles be providing a haven for wildlife and increasing biodiversity in the park, they’ll be adding to the health and vitality of city residents by providing a beautiful, relaxing green space.

Even if they don’t make a match, the day won’t be a total wash. Participants will be helping out the environment and a community in need. Isn’t that a greater gift than sweets and jewelry? Tree therapy for singles on V-Day – perhaps it will catch on.

Image: Alex Indigo

The dating scene is not an easy one. There are the usual quandaries – dinner or just drinks; sleep over or the token kiss on the cheek? Add to those basic issues the meltdown of all things economy-related, and the idea of going on a date might send even the most romantic Romeo & Juliet running for the hills, or a monastery.

Never fear, your resident cupid is here. And it isn’t my first time playing the part, I might add. I’ve encouraged you to have more sex (safely, please), taught you tips for lassoing yourself a green goddess girlfriend and researched how to eco your “toys”.

But since everyone’s handbag is hurting of late and doling out more dough for a date isn’t easy, why not try some simple serenading? Indoors or out, it’s easier than you’d expect to find fun for free. Here are a few suggestions:

Play board games. Add “strip” to the name if you’re feeling frisky.

Pick up a free weekly (i.e. LA Weekly) and peruse it for outdoor concerts. Free music is good for the soul and your solvency.

Volunteer at a pet rescue. The best filter for a good guy or gal is whether they play well with animals.

Visit a gallery and immerse yourselves in art for an afternoon.

Walk“¦without a destination. Just walk somewhere, anywhere; then turn around and walk back. Also a good excuse to hold hands.

Window shop. Tiffany & Co. is as good a place as any to get the juices flowing. Or maybe it’s just me that salivates at the sight of sparkly, shiny things.

Take a hike, but hike to the hike rather than drive, if possible. (Yes, hiking is somewhat similar to walking but give me a break, I’m making a long list here).

Skinny dip. What’s more freeing than a swim in your birthday suit?

People watch. There really isn’t an easier or more amusing activity, and it can happen anywhere at any time.

Stargaze. This one happens at night, in the dark, of course.

Go swinging. No, not that kind of swinging! I’m referring to the playground type of swing. Slides are fun too.

Read a book or magazine. Add cuddle and couch for the perfect recipe.

Play a sport. Any sport with a ball of some sort will do, like soccer, football, basketball or volleyball. A little healthy competition while working up a sweat is a good thing.

Spend Sunday morning cruising the neighborhood yard sales for free stuff.

Make a meal with what you find in the kitchen. No shopping allowed. Use your collective palettes to whip up something yummy out of nothing. Bon appetit.

Trade massages. Flip a coin to see who “gives” first because once you get rubbed it’s not as easy to summon up the strength to give.

Enjoy nature, which isn’t as easy as you might think. Whether you live in the mountains or by the beach, make a date to really experience your surroundings. Wiggle your toes in the sand or dirt. Dance with your bare feet in the water.

Take a bubble bath (note: suggested for a date other than the first).

Peruse a book store for an hour or two and make use of your hard-earned (unused) English B.A.

Go on a bike ride – short or long; rigorous or relaxing. Whatever works with your schedule and way of life.

House-hunt, even if you’re not in the market for a house. Walk through your neighborhood scoping homes and planning the design of your dream house.

Take turns telling each other stories – the imaginary kind, because creativity is a lovely way to lure you toward all sorts of fun activities.

Make out. Yes, I mean kissing. Try it in the car or living room; at the book store or while on a hike. But ignore the person who tells you to “get a room”, because…that’ll cost you.

Images: pospressure, Jacob Davies, Lee Coursey, POSITiv, wickenden, brewbooks, Sklathill, matticgn, Katie@!, joebeone, TheTruthAbout